Bittersweet(Love's Paradox)

what i feel for you
cannot easily be explained
its like a cold sunshine
and a cloudless rain
i love you always
but i hate you to
no scratch that i hate
some of the things that you do
its like when im around you
my world lights up
you love me for me
and its pure never rushed
but its how you really feel
it comes from the soul
but where that love is
something bad flows
its that uncontrolable fear
that not wanting to lose
but in reality your not gaining much to
i mean if you dont know by now
imma always be here
and its nothing that can make me
change how i feel,
but although you make me complete
you leave me empty
cause when you leave
so does all the promises you give me
and im honestly going crazy
dont quite know what to do
in my heart i feel a hole
cause you left me open
so now im bleeding for you
and with the blood comes the tears
dripping into my soul
and stinging me from within
but with the sting
is a little solitude
cause i know in the end
you will fix that to
i know when you hold me
that we have something real
i know when you kiss me
that my home is near
its crazy how i sit here
praying, hoping, wishing
results that once seemed clear
are now confused
i need an intermention
for my life cause where its headed
im afraid to do the show
baby im tired of the acting
i dont want to play no more
but im happy when im with you
i feel a sense of peace
and i know that this is long
but my heart just wont stop its release
until you come and repair the damage
for you alone it will beat.
so many memories and so many last
the tears i cry are for the good and the bad
when i look at you i see my forever
when im anywhere near you
my future seems bright
what im feeling is unbelievable
immposible to most
but the emotions are as real
as light and dark
im right at the entrance
standing in the door frame
searching for the light switch
so that the darkness in the next room
is no more
fighting this battle that i know i can win
and seeking eternity
in a gamble but confident imma win
i cant promise you a friendship
cause our hearts have promised more
thats why we just cant part
even when we tell each other to go
and deep down we dont want to part
were both lost confused
but the only differnce is
in the end i would choose you
but im not going to rest on your decsion
cause i know that your not sure
i mean i guess ive just grown a lot
and you have a little ways to go
so i end this asking this one little thing
dont push mylove away
cause all of my concern and care
is what makes my heart your resting place
and you dont want to leave it
and that i do really know
you just need to believe
so im trying not to go
you have had a hard time
and i know it
and i just wont back away
i wont let you struggle
and i wont cause you pain
but now all i am saying
is that you cant go that far
deal with on your own go ahead
but dont punish me by taking back your heart
cause i have done nothing wrong
all ive done is cherish you
and i cant be your friend
but ill never leave you....

Untitled

It's taking all my strength

Not to pick up the phone

Dial your number

And let you take my pain away

The very same pain you cause

But your the only person on this earth

That can do both so effectively

Here I go picking up my phone

Then telling myself to be strong

And sitting it back down

Cause I can't

I WONT

Use you as a crutch any longer

I need to stand on my own two feet and be strong

Ive got to keep going on

Im just so use to having you

So use to using you

Damn, ive even convinced myself

That I'm honestly needing you

But NO, I can do this

I can make myself smile

I can push fear aside

Take a walk on the unknown side

It's just with you I'm so content

But is that how I want to be

It's natural to go for the norm

But is normal at any rate me

No, I'm stronger then this

Your just a part of my past

Small talk is all your gonna get

Cause your still my little blessings dad

But my heart you had and ripped apart

So no longer will I run into your arms

I'll be strong

I'll no longer use you as a crutch to carry on

Secrets of a Broken Heart

You said it better other's hurt.

I know see you meant the truth,

Cause what you laugh off as fun and games,

Has me crying in my pillow,

And wanting to be far away.

The pain that you instill within me,

Is far worse then you can see,

And I try to laugh it off,

But the tears fall faster then you would believe,

I mean you wanted me to care and I do.

But there's a reason I never before let that side show.

And it's because when I fall in love boy do I fall.

And me without you, is like a day without sun.

It doesn't exist because without light our thinking and words

Change from day to night

And suddenly there's a fright

Because we can no longer see

And terrors rain rampid,

And faith must successed,

Were blinded,

Just like I whenever it comes to you,

Cause you hurt me tonight,

But tomorrow I'll still run to you.

You say you owe me, after all you put me through

Yet you keep testing my limits,

Like I can NEVER run away from you,

Is that true?

Do you really look at me and see forever,

But a forever that's to lenient and so you play games,

Until I weather and threaten to run

It's a shame it takes a threat to make you treat me right

And then your only there long enough to keep me dancing

Cause your gone again, but I still don't take flight

It's like were in an endless game of cat and mouse,

And I've given you all the power,

But no more will I let you continue to steal

What's left of my soul

But then again I love you so I might

God, this is sad

I need the strength to get up and fight

When it hurts so bad

I hate being at a place of confusion.

Where I dont know what to do.
I hate that fact that I can see through you to what's wrong.

But, either you cant see it or you don't want to believe it's true.

I hate that now we bith are hurt, because you insit on being so unfair,

I hate that you cant see that your hurting us both more by dragging this on like you don't care.

I hate how much I love you, and how I still want to try.

I mean I've been hurt so much in my life.

You think I wouldn't always insit on countinuing to try.

But unfortunately for my heart that's just how I am.

And why I made the promise to you.

That until you said you didn't love or want me.

I would always fight for me and you.

But do I still have the strength?

Do I possess the power?

With all I'm going through.

Can I really wait?

Or take this chance on faith?

When every moment without you.

Puts tears on my face :-(...

Cant stop the rain

I wish there was something i could do. To get back in your arms. Cause although you say you don't know what's going on. I got a good idea that I know why you have so much pain. I understand the man code and all you want to do, and i know right now it's hard cause im taking care of me and you, caring a baby, and staying in school, but I never really cared, cause I understand what your going through. I just wish you had that same faith. I wish that you would pray. I wish your ego would come down, and then we could be happy again. I know you put me through a lot, and im not trying to give you an excuse, it's just you using my forgivness as a way to walk away when it should bring us back and i get it your hurting, well im hurting to, but in your heart you know you love me, and i just want our family back too.