Tuesday, April 20, 2010

A teen moms worries

I feel my baby kick, our baby Imara Shaunte' Leon, and I wonder how she feels, they say everything that I go through she does to and I feel guilty cause im honestly going through a lot. As if bad grades and the stress and flashbacks of my past arent enough, I've been sent into a deeper depression by the fact that the love of my life, the father of my baby has moved on and is now seeing another girl, and he keeps telling me its nothing serious but its not fair to me or Mara I mean right now as im trying to go through everything I could really use seeing him at the end of a hard day, and less face it, if he's with her, it just has me so scared, hes a wonderful dad so far i see the effort there I just think about the past and the future, we were engaged and so happy and i dont i just dont know when and where it went wrong, and why we cant get it back, and im sad because once this baby gets here she gonna be from house to house, different rules, schedule, no matter how close we try to keep it, somebody might miss her first word, her first step, and thats not fair to any of the 3 of us. I have one daughter that I gave up and that i missed all of this for, I dont, I cant, I cant do this again. Mara means the world to me, Garfield means the world to me, thats my family, and I dont know i dont even want to imagine how its gonna work. I love them, and i just want us all to be happy, I want her 2 have 2 parents together cause me nor her father were that fortunate and to think of anything else is hard, its hard and i wish the thoughts were impossible.

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